


It's not cheating, it's a careful reinterpretation of the rules

by malevolentstorm



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Bors/Kay, Eggsy as Galahad, Established Relationship, Harry as Arthur, M/M, Sorry Not Sorry, agents v/s technicians, all of merlins techs are named for mythical creatures and cryptids, but many of eggsys plans dont end well, idek if thats a thing but it is in this, it doesnt exactly end well, its a paintball fic!!, noone told him no, now im rambling, please just read it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-30 07:25:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5155298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malevolentstorm/pseuds/malevolentstorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Really he should have expected it. Harry had known since the day he met the boy that Eggsy had a way of getting what he wanted. Unfortunately for the rest of the world, and everyone at HQ, Eggsy had no qualms about using his manipulative abilities for his own gain, and although Harry himself had benefited from some of his schemes that really wasn’t the point. What was really astonishing was that somehow he often managed to convince Merlin to let him do things or have things that the old Scotsman would never normally agree to. This, however, was going a bit far."</p><p>Also known as the one where Eggsy talks Merlin and Harry into an all out paint war as a 'training exercise' and it goes just about as well as you'd expect</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Why did we listen to Eggsy?

**Author's Note:**

> This has been a long time coming. Sorry :/ it's taking me forever.  
> Big thanks to beautifuldaydreams for beta'ing this for me
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Not even an umbrella

Really he should have expected it. Harry had known since the day he met the boy that Eggsy had a way of getting what he wanted. Unfortunately for the rest of the world, and everyone at HQ, Eggsy had no qualms about using his manipulative abilities for his own gain, and although Harry himself had benefited from some of his schemes that really wasn’t the point. What was really astonishing was that somehow he often managed to convince Merlin to let him do things or have things that the old Scotsman would never normally agree to. This, however, was going a bit far.

Harry liked to think that he was an excellent manipulator, he had to be, it was part of his job description, but he had known Merlin for a long time and it had still taken him two years of bargaining to get him to go drinking with him - this had been a few years back, they had been younger and more foolish then (although some would argue that Harry was just as foolish now, and he supposed they had a point). Yet it had only taken Eggsy five days of bugging and whining and begging and ‘helping’ and generally just being a little shit to get his way this time. Harry didn’t know what was more impressive - the fact that Merlin had lasted five days or that it had taken Eggsy five days.

The point was somehow Eggsy had managed to talk Merlin into organising a ‘Team-building Exercise in restraint’. Otherwise known as a base-wide paintball fight with no holds barred and God only knows what kind of gadgets devised to get as much paint as possible on the suit of some poor unsuspecting agent. There was no way this was gonna end well. Harry was fairly certain Eggsy had been inspired by the episode of Community he had been watching last night - if that was indeed the case then Harry was going to keep a wary eye on the sprinklers.

The phrases that really drew Harry’s eye were ‘team-building’ and ‘base-wide’. Within the paint war from hell there would apparently be two teams and one would not be agents; the tech department also wanted in on the chaos. The two teams of Agents-Are-Awesome and Techies-Trash-Tailors would go head to head in battle; given some of the grudges held Harry would be surprised if there wasn’t any bloodshed  - the aim of the game would be to shoot as many of the opposing team members as possible. It was a three-hits you're out kind of game and the technicians believed every hit would be therapeutic; at least for them. 

Unfortunately for them, no-one specified how far apart the 3 shots had to be.

 

* * *

 

Before they could begin, there needed to be a neutral party. Someone to observe the battle, ensure the few rules were followed, and help to establish a winner; preferably with as little bias as possible. All in all it was incredibly convenient that Percival was recovering from some broken ribs along with a nasty concussion and, whilst was allowed out of medical, would not be participating. How doubly convenient that Harry also had enough sway over him to make sure he would actually follow his doctor's orders and referee this goddamn war without taking part.

The tech team had of course yelled out angrily and loudly that having an agent as a referee was ‘unfair’ and ‘biased’ (along with a few other choice words which do not need repeating). This of course resulted in Percival being joined by Amelia - who was back from Berlin in order to oversee some shipments and had informed her superiors that her stay would have to be extended due to unforeseen circumstances; read she was going to witness this if it killed her.

They also needed to establish location. Harry was particularly eager to limit property damage so initially he, along with Merlin, had argued against Eggsy’s plan to carry out the “team building exercise” inside the manor as well as outside. Merlin had made some excellent points as to why the event should happen outside, strictly outside, and not in any of the various offices and rooms within the manor; Harry had backed him up and attempted to bribe Eggsy with favours, the nature of which need not be mentioned for the sanity of all onlookers (even if the presence of said sanity was widely questionable when it came to the ranks of Kingsman). Which was of course why the compromise that it would take part outside and inside, with the sole exclusion of personal offices which were to be off limits, had been reached.

There had even been an agreement of stakes. After all, every competition needs real stakes, otherwise contestants may ‘slack off the job’. As such it had been agreed that if the agents won, then the technicians would be unable to comment or yell at whichever agents were improvising their missions and would fill out of much as the agents paperwork as they could. However, if the technicians won, the agents would have to catch up on all of their paperwork and then continue to actually fill it in post-mission for two weeks. They would also have to put more effort into following their handlers instructions instead of ignoring them and doing whatever the hell they wanted to.

 Sometimes Harry really disliked Eggsy’s ability to turn a ‘Fuck No Get Out Of Here’ into a ‘Yes Alright Then’ - usually via some form of ‘You Have Got To Be Shitting Me’ and a ‘Maybe But Only If’. Despite his misgivings, Harry had definitely got a better deal out of agreeing than Merlin, so maybe he shouldn’t really be complaining that much. Especially since Eggsy would undoubtedly be on his team and probably had a few tricks stashed up his sleeve, apparently his favourite ‘words-to-live-by’ were a combination of “It’s not cheating it’s teamwork” and anything consisting of loophole abuse.

 Harry definitely agreed with the latter half of the two and was something Merlin was always getting at him about. Usually Harry won those particular arguments seeing as most of the time he hadn’t technically broken any rules, or laws as the case may be (and often was).

 

* * *

 

The day arrived. The teams were split up and sent to opposite sides of the grounds, Merlin leading the tech charge from the woods, Harry attempting to herd the agents who were pisssing about inside the Library. Game plans had been established. Given how Harry’s plan was elegant and simple and would probably work - the agents should have had a definite advantage. Unfortunately none of the other other agents appeared to have listened. Initially there was only a 78% chance that they hadn’t held anything Harry had said inside their heads for more than the initial 7 seconds it took to register he had spoken. However the way that Bors was currently being paraded around on Kay’s shoulders suggested that the knights were paying about as much attention as a cat to it’s owner when being told to not push an object off a high surface. That is to say none.

Harry was incredibly hopeful that Merlin was having the same issues as that would level the playing field somewhat, however past experience told him that the tech-minions (as they were affectionately known) were actually rather good at listening and then working together to achieve a common goal; something the agents were incredibly bad at. Even when in the field each agent had a known weakness - Bedivere had a rather nasty habit of seducing his way out of situations, Galahad was known to just throw grenades, Harry himself had a reputation for  throwing himself out of windows when things ‘went to shit’. Worse than these individual habits and the inability to listen to someone in charge (issues with authority Merlin called it, apparently Harry’s manifested in his lateness to ‘every single fucking thing, I mean really Harry’) was that the tech team knew this.  They had to handle the agents on missions and they were incredibly fond of betting on missions and gossiping about different Agents.

Either way Harry was fairly certain they were doomed to lose. Which meant he’d probably have to finish the mountain of paperwork he was avoiding. Damn.

 Eggsy, on the other hand, was busy congratulating himself on a wonderful plan well thought out. Especially since he knew Merlin would agree (eventually) and so had...prepared some really quite devious items. He was going to win this, even if he had to do it on his own; which given the rowdy going ons around him was incredibly likely. Although some back-up would be nice. Glancing around the library for someone that may be up for some good old-fashioned underhanded cheating, he noticed that Harry seemed to have given up on trying to impress upon the other knights the importance of teamwork and good strategy and was instead sitting on a desk muttering to himself. Surely he would be up for some creative umm...re-interpretation of the rules.

“Pssst Harry”

Harry didn’t look up, if Eggsy really wanted to talk to him, he’d come over. Currently Harry was trying to rethink his plan ‘Crush The Opposition’ so that it could be carried out by a singular person, as opposed to the original 5 agents plus some distractions. So far his plan still needed 3 people.

“Oi Harry”

Of course there was always the option of persuading Eggsy and, presumably, Lancelot to help him. Maybe this would end up in their favour after all. He glanced up and immediately had to stifle a grin. Eggsy was so very unsubtly trying to edge his way over to where he was standing. He was doing a shuffle-walk-glance-innocence movement that was more conspicuous in its attempt to be sneaky then just walking over would have been. Harry sighed and then expertly snuck around behind him whilst he was distracted trying to shed the attention Bors had suddenly started paying him.

 “Good morning Eggsy”

“HOLY SHit Harry,” Eggsy jumped about a foot into the air and spun 180°. It was truly impressive and even if his observational skills clearly need work, at least his balance didn’t. “don’t fuckin’ sneak up on me like that man”.

“I would apologize,” Harry’s face was doing something strange - Eggsy was certain he could see a repressed smirk twitching at the corners of his mouth, “but I’m clearly not sorry.” Now Harry was definitely smirking. Goddamnit, Eggsy shouldn’t find that look so attractive. “You wanted something?”

“Yes I did you wanker. I thought you may want to know about a strategic advantage we may or may not have over the techies.”

“Well do we have an advantage or not Eggsy, it can't be both.”

“I’m afraid, Harry, that that rather depends on if you're going to agree with my methods here.”

 Harry searched the younger man’s face for a clue as to what he was planning. Somewhere between the guilty smile and the far-too-innocent eyes he figured it out. Eggsy was going to cheat - if he hadn’t already.  Harry probably shouldn’t be feeling as proud as he was, but Eggsy was one hell of a sneaky bugger, and had definitely picked up a few of Harry’s traits since they met. Amid the burst of pride he felt, Harry also identified a small burst of annoyance - mainly aimed towards himself for not coming up with the idea himself. He did not, however, feel guilty for the blatant disregard for the rules he was sure would follow. Hell, Merlin was probably going to cheat as well, competitive shit that he was, might as well even the battlefield (if not tip in their favour, they were spies after all). He smiled, slow and deadly.

Eggsy suddenly remembered why Harry was one of the more feared agents at headquarters; a notion that had seemed ridiculous until Merlin reminded him that 5 minutes after they’d met Harry had wiped the floor with his step-father’s lackies. Merlin insisted that Harry had shown off more than he’d needed to to impress Eggsy, and could have taken them down much quicker - and after seeing Harry in the field he’d had to agree.

He also remembered just how competitive the man was, and how much he hated paperwork. Eggsy returned the grin, now certain that Harry would do whatever it took to win; debatable tactics with a slightly morally-grey colour included. He leaned into Harry’s side and began to tell him, quietly in case Merlin had bugged the room (if  Eggsy was cheating he didn’t doubt Merlin would), exactly what he’d done in order to prepare for this ‘Team-Building Exercise’.

When he’d finished outlining which areas would now be strategically important, Harry leant down with an amused look and began to whisper his revised plan to him. Two minutes later, they caught Roxy’s eye and Harry beckoned her over with a nod of his head whilst Eggsy made some frantic hand gestures in an incredibly eye-catching manner. He really had to work on his subtlety. On the other hand it was nice to know he felt comfortable enough to be himself and not hide behind his super-spy persona.

 Luckily for them, Roxy noticed Eggsy’s not-that-subtle-subtlety, and made her way over unobtrusively. So much so that Eggsy flinched when she suddenly spoke from his left.

“What are you up to?”

“What we’re not up to anything, I don’t know what you’re on about. Why do you always accuse me of doing something I shouldn’t?”

The protestations didn’t help his case. Roxy crossed her arms and tilted her head at him, her eyebrow rising slowly, until Eggsy was sure they would disappear into her perfectly styled hair.

 Harry watched them bicker - one sided as it was with Roxy’s responses being increasingly incredulous facial expressions. - with a great deal of amusement. Roxy had clearly been in Merlin’s company far too often - he recognised some of her facial expressions from when Merlin called him to his office to question him about his methods employed whilst on a job. Usually the eyebrow was raised after denying all knowledge of the event in question and asking “just what exactly the fuck are you on about Merlin”.

 Unfortunately they did have somewhat of a time limit before hell would be unleashed so Harry moved forward to break it up.

“Eggsy my boy, seeing as we did in fact bring Roxy over here to include her, don’t you think we should tell her as opposed to debating whether or not we are up to anything nefarious.”

Eggsy stopped and looked up at Harry - an almost (but not quite) sheepish expression carefully hiding the mirth he felt.

“But Harry, she impugned my honour, insinuating I’m up to something with absolutely no grounds to that accusation”

Harry remained unimpressed and made a vague humming sound to indicate that, whilst he may not like it, he was in fact listening to the younger agent whining. “Of course Darling. Now, Lancelot, would you like to hazard a guess as to why we called you over?”

“I don’t want to accuse anyone of anything” She said slyly, “but going by the look of guilt on Eggsy’s face, I think you have a plan that involves breaking the rules.”

“Actually, no”

“No?”

“Yeh! See Rox, I ain’t cheatin’.” Eggsy grinned triumphantly. Roxy pulled a face which clearly indicated her opinion on the matter. Eggsy stuck out his tongue - which clearly indicated his mental age (about five).

Harry sighed and cleared his throat. “Yes, thank you Eggsy. In answer to your question Lancelot, no, we are not cheating as that would be ungentlemanly. We are merely employing the use of some interesting loopholes in the rules - the rules that were initially designed by Merlin and myself. How convenient for us.”

Roxy looked grudgingly impressed at this. Although it really shouldn’t be a surprise - for all Harry’s lectures on ‘being a gentleman’ and manners, he was a competitive bastard with a foul mouth to boot. He was just an expert at hiding it - or rather distracting from it with his posture and mannerisms. After all the position of Galahad didn’t have such a record for no reason - each and everyone was a Trouble-Maker. Harry included, even if he was Arthur now. The position of authority doing nothing to temper his rebellious streak or habit of attracting danger like a magnet. Somehow he’d already had 32 attempts on his life, which was impressive considering how little time he’d been in charge.

“If you have managed to create loopholes so that whatever you’re planning isn’t cheating, how can you be sure Merlin won’t?”

“We can’t - which makes it all the more entertaining. However, I am under the impression that as it was Eggsy who… suggested this whole endeavour in the first place, I rather suspect we have the upper-hand.”

“To right we do, come here Rox an’ I’ll tell you what I’ve been doin’ - you’ve already heard this Hazza, but you’re welcome to listen again.”

Roxy leaned in closer to hear the more intrinsic and technically-not-cheating details of the plan and Harry joined her - though he leaned a little further into Eggsy’s space to snidely whisper the consequences that would occur if he dared call him ‘Hazza’ again. Roxy didn’t want to know.

 

The plan was, however, surprisingly brilliant - and had clearly been several days in the making.

 

 


	2. Stage 1: Initiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not cheating. Technically.

Eggsy crept almost silently along the corridors. He could hear screaming and gunshots outside. Then a deep and manic laugh followed by some liberal high pitched cursing. Eggsy grinned to himself - really the techies should have been wary of Geraint as his propensity to mine the fuck out of everything was incredibly well known. You should never follow that man unless you are right on his heels as you can never know how far ahead he has planned.

As he moved along the corridors, Eggsy reflected on the plan. So far there were 3 contingency plans as well because Harry was a sneaky fucker with a large competitive streak - and enough paranoia to fuel an ancient drug lord guarding his biggest treasure.

They were so gonna win.

Somehow they had managed to drag a few other agents into this scheme of theirs, and everyone on their side knew about the signals and what to do if they went off. However no-one except himself, Harry and Roxy knew The Plan in it’s entirety, this was mainly due to convenience and a limited time in which to explain things. Eggsy also thought that there was some natural spy paranoia kicking in, making Harry reluctant to everyone everything.

 A loud crash had him pausing, he pulled out his paintball-gun and cautiously continued to proceed. Suddenly a tech-minion dropped out of the air vent 2 metres ahead of him, luckily for Eggsy she had her back to him. He raised his gun, cleared his throat and fired 3 times. The look of shock on her face was one he would treasure for the rest of the month. He lowered the gun and smiled angelically.

“Bang. You’re out”.

She tilted her head considering.

“The rules were three shots and you're out.”

“Yes, and I shot you three times. You’re out.”

She looked him over and nodded before flipping him off before turning and heading towards the conference room. The designated safe room with monitors showing all of the surrounding action, allowing those who were out of the game to enjoy it vicariously.

* * *

As Eggsy was sneaking around the corridors, Harry was busy rigging a rather large paint bomb designed to cover most of the gardens. He’d set it up on the balcony Merlin employed for his overly-dramatic puppy speech, and was hoping that Eggsy’s Paint-Redirector™ really would deflect most of the paint away from the building and onto the surrounding grounds. Approaching footsteps had him hiding before he realised who it was.

 

“Hello Percival.”

“Arthur” Percival nodded. Always one for formalities - even in strange situations like this one. Harry occasionally wondered what it would take to get the man to call him Harry, he always concluded that the shock factor necessary would probably scare everyone involved and so the situation was best left alone. He refocused on the bomb.

“What are you doing?”

“Making a paint bomb. I would’ve thought that was obvious Percy.”

Harry grinned. It hadn’t taken Eggsy long to decide ‘Percival’ was far too much of a mouthful, and had consequently shortened it to Percy. It had caught on rather quickly, much to the agent’s annoyance.

“I was unaware that equipment for a paint bomb was in the supplies distributed at the start of this”

“It wasn’t. However Percy, there are no rules against building one. As Eggsy is so fond of saying, ‘you snooze, you lose.’” Harry glanced up to see perhaps the most unamused expression he had ever seen on Percival's face. He grinned, innocently. “I'm not cheating”

“Technically.”

Harry’s grin widened and became decidedly less angelic.

“Technically.”

Percival seemed to consider this before smirking just a little bit.

“Well seeing as you’re not cheating, technically, there’s nothing for me to do here.”

“Exactly”

“Very well. Not that I’m biased in any way, because I’m nothing if not an impartial judge”

“Of course not”

Harry smirked, and Percival returned it with a nod before spinning on his heel and walking away from the scene of the technically-not-a crime scene. Harry stared after him for a bit before turning back to the bomb.

“This better fucking work Eggsy”.

* * *

Roxy had a very different job from the two. As Merlin and the Techies had started outside, as soon as the siren went off she had legged it to the roof with a sniper rifle and a ‘shit-load’ of paint. From her vantage point it was quite easy to slowly but surely take out members of the opposing team. The three shots rule meant that she had to be quick on the trigger or risk someone firing back. Not that she had no cover, it would just be harder to shoot them a second time.

One other benefit to her position was that she got an excellent view of Bors and Kay as they ran around causing chaos on the lawn out front. Currently Bors was sneaking up on a techie in an overly comical manner whilst Kay tried to smother his laughter at the sight. Bors held his gun out then tapped the techie on the shoulder. Roxy readied her rifle.

Bors managed to get two shots in before the techie shot him in the balls, so Roxy quickly squeezed of a third shot. Hit. One more technician down, several more to go. Bors technically wasn’t out of the game as he’d only been shot the once, however Roxy really doubted he’d be up and playing soon as close-range paintballs were incredibly painful. Kay didn’t seem that bothered as he dragged his partner behind a hedge for cover.

* * *

  
“Oi, Oscar c’mon get up” Kay shook Bors (AKA Oscar) by the shoulder. “I know you’re not hurt get up. We have some technician arse to kick.”

Bors opened his eyes and grinned up at Kay before pulling a face of overblown pain.

“But I can’t I’m in agony”

“No, you’re being a drama queen. Get up” Kay began to drag the other man upwards until he was standing fairly upright. Bors glared at him and pouted slightly, before grinning so widely Kay was worried his face would split open. “C’mon admit it. I was right.”

“Fine yes, you were right. Now get your smug face out my face.”

“You love my smug face.”

Kay stopped and stared at the man-child smiling up at him. He heaved a sigh - a huge dramatic one that would give their boss a run for his money. “So help me God I do. Now quit pissing around and let’s go shoot some techies.”

“Why shoot them when you can-”

 

Exactly what it was you could do Kay would never know, for it was at that moment that Roxy sounded the signal and they both turned to go back inside. Hopefully without drawing the attention and suspicion of the tech-team.

 


	3. Meanwhile Merlin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so long. RL is a bitch sometimes. ANyway... let's get this show on the road

Merlin sat in his office and stared at the screens in front of him. His team was losing. He rather thought it was because they were playing by the rules, but then the agents were not actually breaking them. He put his head in his hands. Technicalities would be the death of him - although he himself had employed the use of them. The rules regarding places that were off-limits was expressly worded “No paintballing is to commence within rooms that are employed as offices, meeting rooms of surveillance”, that didn’t mean he wasn’t allowed to sit in them, it just meant he wasn’t allowed to fire paint in them. It was supposed to give them an advantage but he whilst he didn’t doubt Harry’s ability to flaunt the rules and slip through loopholes, he had somehow not allowed for Eggsy being so well-prepared in combination with his usual conniving self.

That was his mistake. Next time Eggsy talked them all into some whacky ‘team-building’ plan he would be better prepared. Although what exactly he had to prepare for he wouldn’t know as the one who was behind these harebrained schemes was usually Eggsy, so the lad would always have the jump on him. Unless of course Merlin planned an exercise himself. An appropriately painful one in retribution for all the shit he was put though.

Merlin grinned wickedly at the thought as it drifted into his brain and firmly took root there. He was going to plan a ‘team-building exercise’ the like of which had never been seen before.

If any of the agents had been present they would have feared for their life as Merlin’s grin turned feral. Any of the agents except Harry. They’d been friends for too long for Harry to fear him at that point - although to be fair to Merlin’s self worth it wasn’t like Harry had ever presented the correct amount of fear in any situation. He’d always been one to laugh at those interrogating him and he’d never had any sense of self-preservation, it was a surprise he’d lasted as long as he had to be honest.

 

Merlin shook himself back to the present and once more scanned the screens before him. Something wasn’t right. Maybe one of his underlings would be able to place it. Often a second set of eyes, or even just an additional presence, was enough to trigger an epiphany. He opened up the comm lines.

“Nymph. Get over here”

Comm use was also not technically against the rules. As Rule 14 stated “No communication is to be conducted within the teams through devices purposed for use on missions” they had simply used different equipment. The comms they were employing the use of were developed by Merlin 3 years ago as experimental prototypes for a different operating system, and so were never intended for use in the field. Loop holes.

Unfortunately for Merlin, the agents had also found a way around the communication rule. Eggsy had not only developed a series of hand-signals but he’d also found and handed out walkie-talkies. The ingenuity displayed within that particular bit of not-cheating had irritated Merlin for multiple reasons. The least of which being that if Eggsy bothered to apply even half of the effort he’d put into winning a paintball game, into doing his paperwork then it would be finished on time - probably neatly so.

Honestly if the lad actually did his paperwork within 2 weeks of the deadline that would be an improvement and Merlin would be able to stop constantly wasting his breath threatening him with a month-long mission in Siberia. Not that that particular threat worked, their Arthur was far too fond of the boy to allow such a long trip for petty revenge purposes - and the little shit knew it too.

 

The door opened distracting him from his thoughts of murder and revenge. He spun round in his chair.

“Nymph, tell me, have you noticed anything off about the team ‘Agents-are awesome’?” Somehow Merlin managed to verbalise his eye-roll when bringing up the name of the opposing team, he didn’t even need to physicalize the action. Then again he had been friends with Harry, king of the terrible puns, for years; so it wasn’t really surprising.

Nymph, whose real name was Abigail, stared at him, a calculating look in her eye as she evaluated the tactics she’d seen employed in the ensuing battle. Why the tech-team had code names no one was quite sure. It was, however, a tradition at this point, so every time they gained a member that member gained a code name. Usually some sort of magical mythical creature; Merlin had an odd sense of humour. “Not really, no”

“Hmm, aside from the expected cheating, me neither, and even that cheating is technically within the rules. I don’t like it. It’s suspicious.”

“Maybe they really are just following the rules” Nymph looked doubtful but she said it anyway. With Harry you really never knew. “Maybe they’re waiting for us to break the rules first and then claim penalty points for it”

Merlin seemed to consider that option for a few seconds before he snorted and shook his head.

“Not bloody likely. Harry is a fucking cheater, always has been always will be. I doubt he’d be able to resist it for long enough. He’s got a plan, and I’ll bet you Eggsy’s in on it. Somehow that boy is even worse than him.”

Nymph nodded. Merlin had a point and he knew their Arthur best. His impatience was the agency’s worst kept secret, and his reckless adrenaline-junkie style approach to missions was legendary. Occasionally they had to let Arthur go on missions in order to stop him shooting a fellow agents or blowing something up in frustration; or even for the pleasure of it.

However, no matter how much of an arse he made of himself; he was never allowed to go with Galahad. This rule had been introduced fairly soon on, well before the two had admitted to being an item (not that there were ever really any doubts, Ted from weapons development had made a killing in the betting pool), so it wasn’t even because of their relationship. They had tried it once. Only once, never again since. Between the two of them they’d managed to blow up multiple buildings, been arrested for being drunk and disorderly, and dropped off grid for 48 hours, amongst other things. It wasn't even the junior agent being a corrupting influence; he just didn’t say no to Harry like the others did. Sometimes. Merlin claimed if he wasn't already bald from Harry’s earlier shenanigans, then he would have been from that incident alone. The decision to never allow that again was one in which the two had no input. They’d argued of course but when faced with an overwhelming amount of abuse, insults and some truly creative threats from Merlin, they’d agreed.

 

The issue Merlin had (one of many, Harry would argue), was that the agent team wasn’t cheating enough. Sure they were cheating a bit, but at the same time they weren’t - employing the use of the same loopholes Merlin was abusing. Surely they had something bigger planned. Something that was truly inspired and would wreak havok. The kind of plan you get when you stick Eggsy and Harry in a room together relatively unsupervised with a target and an assortment of weapons. The action he was seeing on the screens before him was calmer than that. He knew he was missing something he just couldn’t work out what.

Movement in his peripheral vision drew his attention and he frowned, staring at the top feed. It showed the room they kept the puppies in before giving them to candidates - it doubled as a lounge sometimes. It was also the room which linked to the balcony he delivered his puppy speech from. The camera was positioned by the doors, so Merlin had a clear view of the entire room and the adjoining balcony. The supposedly empty balcony.

Merlin re-scanned all the other screens and realised that there were a few key people missing. Now that he thought about it he hadn’t seen Harry for a while. he glanced to where he’e last seen Eggsy and his frown deepened when he couldn’t find him either. Then he spotted him.

Eggsy was waving at the camera and grinning. The frown became a scowl. Clearly Eggsy had worked out where he was. It was possible he was just guessing Merlin was in his office monitoring the situation, but it was equally likely that the young agent knew for certain. Merlin suddenly remembered the air vents that ran throughout the building - just big enough for someone to crawl through. Eggsy continued to wave at the camera before gesturing upwards and speaking. Merlin quickly unmuted the audio feed for that corridor, he didn’t need to hear all the gunshots and screaming, just Eggsy.

“Yo Merlin, I know there are mics here. Just wanted to let you know how badly you are about to lose.”

Had Merlin been able to kill with a look, the computer would melt. On screen Eggsy lifted up his walkie-talkie, not once looking away from the camera.

“Harry come in, over”. There was a brief silence before a voice crackled through, one clearly filled with amusement.

“Hello Eggsy, I assume we’re ready for stage two.”

“Yes we are. Over”

“Excellent. Hello Merlin”

Merlin flinched. This had been planned from the start. How on Earth had they managed to plot phases of a plan and carry them out secure in the knowledge of where he was. How had they been able to carry out a plan? He had been banking on the agents being a disorganised unit- making it that much easier to take them out. He should have known better. If there’s one thing an agent hates it’s paperwork. He sighed. Harry kept talking.

“Tell me Merlin, when you sat there observing our team’s ongoing activities did you notice anything?”

This was going to be a trap and Merlin knew it. Unfortunately he couldn’t see a way out of it. The only thing he’d noticed was the absence of anything note-worthy, which was essentially a paradox in of itself. He sighed and pressed the intercom button, routing it to the speaker in Eggsy’s corridor; no one else needed to be aware of the situation that was beginning to unfold. He spoke into the mic, admitting to his inability to uncover their plan. Eggsy snorted and Merlin just knew Harry was grinning smugly wherever he was.

“Isn’t that interesting.” Harry was definitely too smug for his own good. “Would you like to know what it is we have in store for you and your little team. ‘Techies-Trash-Tailors’ wasn’t it?”

Merlin was fairly certain that he didn’t want to know what they had in store for him. He had pretty much accepted the loss at this point and there was not really much point in denying Harry his moment of triumph. Unfortunately for him, Harry had steamrollered onwards, taking his silence as a positive inclination to continue.

“Merlin, dear chap, old friend. Have you looked at the security feed for the lounge area yet. You know the one.”

Earlier on  Merlin had noticed something amiss in the rooms but had been unable to place it - not that he was going to admit as much to Harry Smug-Bastard Hart. It is possible that given a little longer he would have been able to work it out, however he had been distracted by Eggsy; something he was beginning to think was intentional. He looked back at the screen whilst audibly denying having looked at it earlier to the scheming bastards.

“Well then Merlin, I really think you should look now.”

He did. There didn’t appear to be anything happening at first, but the longer he looked the more apparent it became that there was something slightly off. He could here Eggsy counting down and felt his apprehension increase.

When the countdown hit zero it became clear what was wrong. He glared at the screen as Harry rotated the large screen that had been hiding the real view out the way of the camera. Harry and Eggsy were spared the verbal roasting that was imminent due to Merlin’s discovery of the rather large and dangerous looking machine that had been constructed on the balcony.

He turned on the relevant speakers.

“Harry, what in the ever-loving name of Christ is that.”

“It hasn’t officially been named but Eggsy calls it ‘The Paintifier 101’.”

“...Do I want to know what it does?”

“Of course you do. Instead of an explanation however, allow me to demonstrate”

 

Before Merlin could object, loudly and vehemently, Harry walked over to the machine (Merlin refused to call it ‘The Paintifier 101) and pressed the button on the side. Seconds later, all hell broke lose.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it :))  
> Constuctive criticism is always welcome


	4. Harry gets in a Pickle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can really only apologize for the frankly massive delay in this fic. I will finish it one day I swear. In my defence I've been computerless for a while as someone spilt a mug of coffee on my laptop and it went kaput.  
> I know it's not good enough but I swear to god I'm trying

As soon as Bedivere had seen the signal Eggsy sent through their walkie-talkies, he made his way inside and began a head count. All agents were soon accounted for - interesting paint distribution aside, none of them had been shot three times yet except for Yvain who had very early on declared he wanted no part in this and as such had taken the first opportunity to get out of the competition. As knight names go, his was well earned. One of the more interesting paint splatters was the bright blue one that covered the front of Bors’ trousers. It looked to be quite a painful shot, yet the man was joking around as freely as the others and seemed to be in very little pain - if at all. After some sneaky investigation by Tristan, which comprised of him asking Bors very bluntly exactly how he wasn’t suffering and was there something he’d like to share with the rest of the group, it turned out that Bors had taken it upon himself to kit himself (and Kay) with under armour to protect the more vulnerable parts of their anatomy. Seeing as thinking ahead was not a tactic usually applied by one of the more happy-go-lucky knights, the reaction of shocked surprise from the other knights that he’d actually done so was only to be expected.

The following angry mutters that he hadn’t thought to share that knowledge with the rest of them simply resulted in a smug grin and snide commentary about the others ability (or inability) to protect themselves during a fire-fight that was surely far easier to survive than those faced many times in the past on missions. It was, after-all, their job, was it not?

Once he was certain that all agents were present and mostly intact, Bedivere walked over to barricade the doors so that all tech team members would be unable to enter the building and were effectively trapped outside. Roxy was still up on the roof shooting which meant they had a window of roughly two minutes before they would know something was up. He was just about to lock the door when a hand covered his - he looked up to see Geraint grinning at him.

“Just one moment there Bedivere, I may have a better plan”

Bedivere looked at him. The grin grew wider and more manic, he sighed. Knowing Geraint the way he did, the way everybody did, this was probably going to involve explosives. A lot of explosives. On the other hand, if the initial blast didn’t get them…

“Alright Geraint, I’m guessing you want to mine the entrances with paint bombs”

“Pretty much yeah.” The gleam that came into his eye was disconcerting at best and terrifyingly deranged at worst. It was the kind of expression that - if you didn’t know him (and sometimes even if you did) would make you think he had recently broken out of an asylum for the criminally insane. “These aren’t just gonna be bombs though, I’ve worked out a way to rig them properly.”  
“I don’t think I want to know, just get on with it. You’ve got 90 seconds.”  
The time limit may have seemed harsh, but they were actually attempting to follow the schedule, and they all knew what was coming. Also, Geraint could cause a lot of destruction in 90 seconds - it was a talent of his, one that was both an asset and a hinderance at the same time. If he didn’t also have a love bordering on obsessive for pyrotechnics it would have been an easier trait to manage.

Geraint had been one of James’ candidates when he was still Lancelot, together the two had caused more havoc and destruction than anyone - except for perhaps Harry, but then Harry had always had a flair for dramatics. Too many action movies as a small child.

Everyone had joked that the only reason James had proposed him was because they shared the same trigger happy tendencies, and that with Geraint on the team Chester had been less likely to focus all of his fury on James after a building or 5 had been ‘accidentally’ taken down during a mission op. Needless to say it was not just Harry and Eggsy banned from doing joint missions with each other, there had never been many pairs prohibited on teaming up, but the ones that existed, were usually done so for a very good reason.

Seventy-five seconds later there was a great number of mines specifically rigged to go off in increasingly inventive ways.

“So does anyone have any requests for what I should create in the last 15 seconds or so?”

Bedivere sighed and looked to the ceiling, praying for the strength he would need to put up with his shit of a best friend. “I don’t particularly care to be completely honest with you. Just hurry up and get it over with”

Geraint grinned and with a flourish lay the few final touches to his explosive masterpiece on the floor. “Done.” He turned back and flicked a grin at his compatriots as he stalked back inside. Tristan grinned at him as the doors were swung shut and barricaded. There was a confused shout from outside. Their absence had been noticed. Finally.

“Let’s get this show on the road.”

 

* * *

  
Harry pressed the button. Several things happened simultaneously - whilst Merlin swearing loudly with the thick Scottish accent that only appeared in times of stress or despair was something Harry would treasure for the rest of his life, it was not the most noticeable. The most noticeable event following his pressing of the button was the explosion of paint that spread out and covered the entire grounds. It was, as Merlin might have said had he been pleased with this turn of events, ‘fucking spectacular’.

Judging by the sounds drifting up from outside, the techies found the event equally uninspiring and were cursing violently as the wave of paint crashed down over them.

Harry was rather proud of himself, and Eggsy of course. He was also immensely glad that the contraption hadn’t backfired and covered him in paint. Against all probability, he was still completely paint free, something he intended to ensure remained the status quo. He stood up, straightening his jacket, and headed for the door. He was not so pleased with himself that he forgot to bring his paint-gun with him, which was just as well given how Merlin had ordered all of his troops that were inside to wait outside the room. He always had been a sore loser.

Harry swung the doors open and was immediately bombarded with paint. He quickly ducked back inside the room and checked himself over for any splatters.

“Bugger.” He’s been got twice. One ‘life’ left then - and there was no way he could get out of the room safely without being shot another time. One thing about this paint ball fight that was different from missions was that this time every single hit counted, whereas out in the field bullets were usually deflected by an umbrella or the suit, and so were usually not avoided as swiftly as the agents were now having to avoid paint balls. Harry banged his head against the wall he was leaning against and sighed. He had counted surprisingly few technicians given the amount of paint that had been unleashed, but then again, he thought with a smile, the rest were trapped outside.

He was considering his escape options, and deciding that he really didn’t want to leave via the window, when a bang followed by cursing sounded from outside. More chaos, excellent - at least his team weren’t in trouble - they were all inside. Or they should be anyway. He frowned slightly, this hadn’t been in the plan and, whilst he wasn’t against any tactics that would further his cause, he liked to know what was happening. He took out his walkie-talkie and attempted to contact Eggsy.

“Come-in Eggsy over”

“Yo Hazza what’s up? Over.”

“...I seem to be in a bit of a pickle.”

 

* * *

 

As soon as the signal had been sent out and Eggsy was certain Merlin had been thoroughly distracted, he began to saunter his way over to the meeting point. Casual as you like but careful not to drop his guard. You couldn’t be too careful.

In the initial drafts of this plan he was to head up to meet with Harry, however he had been assured by the older man that he would be quite alright on his own, ‘thank you very much Eggsy’. It’s possible Eggsy’s comment - that he would be there to provide protection for his ‘geriatric arse’ that he happened to be ‘quite attached too’ - might have been going a little too far. The point was that in the revision of The Plan, Eggsy had been told to meet up with the other agents on the ground floor. Instead of with the Boss-man.

Eggsy grinned to himself, a sly thing that was usually followed by a large swath of chaos and/or destruction. It depended on his mood as well as the circumstance. Eggsy was debating with himself on whether to follow his instructions or just throw it out the window and improvise when a loud bang alerted him to the success of their implementation of The Paintifier 101.

Strangely, this wasn’t the most interesting development. Whilst he stood behind a door to let some of Merlin’s lucky technicians (those who hadn’t been shut outside for the blast) to run by, he noticed that they were all headed in the same direction. Towards the eastern lounge. The one with his technological marvel in. And Harry. Couldn’t forget that. He grimaced. Harry may have said that he wouldn’t need back up, but judging by how all the techies that remained within the building were now headed towards him, Eggsy felt he had to disagree.

As far as Eggsy was concerned he had three options. Well, two seeing as one of them was abandoning Harry and that wasn’t happening. So out of the two options Eggsy would actually consider he could either go and find the other agents and inform them of the situation, or he could stealthily follow everyone and help Harry out on his own. After all, he did have a few paint grenades left and it would be such a shame to waste them. The sensible option of course would be to go and get back up; but when had he ever taken the sensible option?

Mind made up, he headed out to follow the group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it, more is on it's way at some indefinite point in the future - I'm a little swamped with coursework but I'll find time...  
> Constructive criticism is incredibly welcome :))  
> EDIT: I completely forgot to mention that Yvain is so named as the original knight was often reffered to as Sir Ywain the Bastard - which is why he's such a killjoy


	5. Defeat?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what's happening anymore. I tried to start wrapping it up - it was meant to stop. It seemed Merlin had other plans. I'm sorry...

The tech team gathered slowly outside the door. They knew who was inside and despite knowing that they could take Harry on, what with it being 7-1, they couldn’t help but feel nervous. The man had a reputation for a reason after all. If more than half their team hadn’t been trapped outside then they would have felt more confident, yet something about every single situation they had encountered seemed incredibly well planned out. The agents seemed to always be two steps ahead of them.

One thing the techies had not thought through was that they had much less training in wielding firearms; and as such were not as accurate when it came to shooting at member of the opposing team. Some of the technicians had developed a very grudging respect for the agents who worked in the field. It was harder than it looked after all. Then again a lot of the agents were unbearable for long spans of time and really did they need to destroy that much equipment? The respect earned was very grudging; and sure to fade quickly.

Unfortunately this burgeoning sense of repressed regard was unable to lessen the blow of losing - and losing swiftly. None of their team had three ‘lives’ left and most of those who had been outside only had one remaining - and so were now out of the game. They had worked with these agents yet had somehow not taken into account the fact that the carnage they wreaked in the field would be reconstructed to the same extent in what was just a friendly competition between friends. They should have known better.

Then again it was very hard to predict these agents - that’s why they were so good at doing what they did. There was no way that they would have been able to foresee them building a fucking bomb to widely distribute paint and knock a large proportion of their team out of the game at the same time.

The door opened and Harry looked out. They open fired. The door slammed shut at a much swifter speed than it had been opened. They heard a muffled exclamation from the other side of the door followed by a thunk. Their esteemed and well respected(ish) had slammed his head into the door. Or at least thumped it gently in a sign of what could really only be exasperation. Judging by the fact he had yet to reappear he was still in the game, which rather put a dent in their plans.

They hovered outside the door nervously; uncertain as to how they should proceed. They couldn’t really go in that would be signing their own death warrants. They had come this far and really would rather not be caught out just yet. However reporting back to Merlin with failure may have the same results. He had been banking very hard on winning this - yet it seemed incredibly unlikely to all gathered that they would; after all the agents were very good at cheating. And shooting things. In fact the job description of the agents was basically destruction and mayhem, whereas most of the technicians spent a lot of their time behind computer screens guiding them through the explosions.

After this pathetic attempt at a paintball match it may be possible Merlin would start demanding physical training of all the techies before inevitably demanding a rematch. That was sure to go down well.

A young tech by the code name Loch (for the Lochness Monster - Merlin had swiftly decided that if his techs were going to have names he was going to make them as ridiculous as he could; barring those with names already. Unfortunately for Loch, he had been hired after Merlin was given questionable reign over the department) was about to pipe up with a rather genius suggestion for getting Harry out when we heard a crackling of noise from behind him. Loch had been in the game long enough to know that was a bad sign. Luckily (or maybe not so) no-one else seemed to notice it. He spun around slowly on his foot. Cautiousness was the way to go.

However it  also seemed unlikely to help him now he noted as he caught sight of none other than Arthur's’ protegee, Eggsy Unwin, holding a gun in one hand, with another slung over his shoulder, and 5 paint grenades in the other. He looked Loch dead in the eye and slowly drew one finger up to his lips. Before Loch could think of a course of action that would enable him to draw attention to the intruder without being immediately shot the walkie-talkie strapped to Galahad’s belt crackled once again before the unmistakable voice of Harry came through.

“Come-in Eggsy over”

The rest of the technicians suddenly jumped 180° so swiftly Eggsy briefly thought they’d all been touched with a live wire. He reached down slowly to grab at his communications device, treating the shocked techs like a skittish animal.

“Yo Hazza what’s up?” He grinned in a somewhat predatory manner at the terrified people in front of him. “Over”

Silence overcame the small group for a few seconds that seemed to stretch on in that peculiarly elastic way time does sometimes - a few of the techs were considering a break for it. They may not be technically outnumbered at 2:7, but taking into consideration who the 2 people were - they were definitely outnumbered.

The silence continued, only to be broken by Harry stating “I seem to be in a bit of pickle” over the walkie-talkie in the wonderfully understated way all British people learn from an early age. The exact tone employed was reminiscent of the one said to be employed by Brigadier Thomas Brodie in 1951 - who famously said “A bit sticky, things are a bit sticky down there” as he faced down 10,000 Chinese warriors with a total number of 650 men. It was a skill.

Eggsy’s grin grew wolfishly as he continued to stare at the techs in front of him. There was a pause in which every tech felt their hearts beat just once, then the action started all at once.

Eggsy hit the call button and started firing, the techs started firing back and the door opened. Paint went everywhere. Shots went wide and amongst the techs there was quite a bit of friendly fire. Eggsy kept grabbing people and using them as body shields, occasionally jumping up and flipping over their heads. A grenade went off.

Harry stood in the doorway for a few seconds - taking in the carnage and havoc being wreaked by his tutee and friend. It was truly a spectacle and he grinned to himself as he noticed Eggsy using a few moves he had taught him. He considered the scene in front of him before shaking his head slightly and clearing his throat.

“Isn’t it a bit rude to start the party without the guest of honour?”

Eggsy continued to dart around, confusing the hell out of the technicians and somehow managing to pick them off one by one. The amount of technicians they were against was definitely thinning out. Although it looked to Harry as if Eggsy had been hit at least once, if not twice by this point.

“Nah mate. If anyfing I’m the VIP here”

Harry rolled his eyes at his protegee before stepping into the fray. Now the opposition really stood no chance. Swiftly they took down the remaining technicians - Harry had an umbrella and was using it to shield them from the majority of the paint. Eggsy was going to ask him where he got it from when he remembered that Harry was a paranoid fucker and probably had one secreted away in nearly every room of HQ - if not all of them.

“OI Hazza! Ain’t there rules against using field tech in the game?”

“Eggsy my boy, this was never intended for the field”

“Ah right. Loopholes. Gotcha.”

Within seconds the last remaining Techies-Try-To-Trash-Tailors-But-Fail team members had been dispatched and they stopped to catch their breath. After a quick scan of their suits it was determined that they both had a singular ‘life’ left and that the umbrella Harry had found was a write-off.

“That was very well done Eggsy. I dare say we’ve won this one, shall we rendez-vous at the meeting point.

“I dare say we shall” Eggsy said with his cheeky-shit™ grin plastered across his face. He linked his arm through Harry’s and with a nod they headed off down the corridor. Harry was gleefully picturing Merlin’s face as he witnessed the chaos they had just unleashed on his indoor tag-team. He looked at the nearest camera.

“I believe this is the bit where you surrender”.

3 seconds later the lights went out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I hope you enjoyed it and I can only apologize for the speed this update at - RL can be a bitch.  
> Constructive criticism and general feedback are always always welcome :))


	6. In The Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, this is very late. So very late. I am behind I'm sorry  
> On the other hand - I have just finished my exams, which is exactly what was stopping me in the first place. So hopefully I can get back up to speed on this...

He was so certain that this was going to work. After all Harry was but one man and there were 7 technicians left in the building. He watched as the technicians arrived and cornered Harry, as soon as they worked up the courage to enter the room they would get him. Sure a few might be out in the process but at this point it was mainly about revenge. Merlin ignored the sinking feeling of doubt that was creeping up his throat.

He ignored it right up to the point it was too late and he noticed Eggsy’s arrival. Well shit. There was nothing he could do - it was possible that one of them would be knocked out of the competition at this point, but it was unlikely. The two had developed an almost supernatural awareness of each other in the field - even if those particular joint missions were now disallowed. Allowing them in the first place, no matter how briefly, had already meant that their partnership during hostile situations had been honed to a point. ALthough they were so attuned to each other outside the field that there was a strong possibility that even without a chance to work together the two would be able to anticipate one another with an accuracy that bordered on telepathy.

Whether or not they were affected by this was rather beside the point, as 5 or so minutes later they had completely wiped the floor with the technicians - only gaining a few hits between them; neither quite ‘dead’ yet. It was uncalled for; everyone knew Harry had more lives than a cat and was as hard to kill as a cockroach, but that the same applied to his protegee was just rude in Merlin’s opinion.

He sat staring at the carnage on the screen. He was on the verge of burying his face in his hands and admitting defeat - retreating with his metaphorical tail between his legs. Exactly how the two bastards he sometimes called his friends had managed to get out of that particular tight spot relatively unscathed was truly a mystery. They had lost. There was no plausible solution to this.

Merlin straightened in his chair and cracked his knuckles. If he was going down he was taking as many people as he could down with him. The technicians that had been trapped outside (or the remaining ones) had made their way to the entrance and were cautiously checking the area. No more mistakes, no more underestimating the opponent. Merlin smiled grimly. There was 10 technicians left and all barr 1 of the agents. They hadn’t lost - they’d been flattened.

However, you don’t get made quartermaster and head of technology for nothing. Merlin had at some point received training very similar to the agents. He too had some tricks up his sleeve - as well as an untouched paint gun. His smile became slightly less grim and a little more threatening.

Using the cameras situated around the building he made note of Harry and Eggsy’s location, along with where the bulk of the agents were. He then plotted a course that the buggers were most likely to take. With this knowledge safely tucked away in the confines of his mind he reached out to the surviving techs.

“Troops, this is Merlin - things are very dire and we’re probably going to lose. However if we’re going to lose then let’s take as many of these arseholes down as we can before we go. Now listen closely because I’m only going to say this once - here’s what’s going to happen” Merlin then spent the next minute quickly, but carefully laying out the groundwork for his hastily concocted plan. Time was of the essence, after all, he needed a suitable rejoinder when Harry inevitably made some smart-assed comment directed at him.

Once it had been explained he stood up from behind the desk and grabbed his gun, before waiting for Harry’s upcoming quip. He may think he was unpredictable but Merlin hadn’t been friends with him for nothing and was well aware of his love for snarky commentary. Suddenly Harry turned and looked at him through a camera, here it came.

“I believe this is the bit where you surrender”

Merlin looked back at his old friend for a few seconds - not that Harry could see him, but it was worth it for the brief flash of panic in his eyes as the silence dragged on. After all if Harry had learnt anything from the friendship between them it was that Merlin was a sore-loser. Or at least that’s what Harry called him. He reached over to the lever on the wall and cut all power in the building. Immediately everything was plummeted into pitch black, luckily for him, he knew exactly where a prototype pair of night-vision goggles were located. A piece of technology that would happily leap through the loopholes in the rules and allow him the revenge he desired. This was not quite so lucky for Eggsy and Harry. Merlin smirked as he grabbed the goggles and headed to the pre-planned route he’d worked out earlier.

They may be going to lose but fuck they were going to do it in style.

* * *

Harry had initially felt a brief flash of panic when Merlin didn’t respond to his jibe. Rather like poking a large sleeping bear with an overly large stick and getting no response. It was suspicious. This flash of panic was proven to be the correct gut reaction when the lights went out.

“Well shit.” Merlin clearly had slightly more up his sleeve than Harry had predicted. “Eggsy, whatever routes we would have considered, we now need to change them drastically.”

“Nah mate, I’ve got a better idea”

Harry looked at him, head tilted in thought. Merlin would have access to night-goggles,he’d been telling him about them prior to this mess, if they took any predictable route Merlin would be waiting for them. The longer they stood here debating it, the more time Merlin had to advance on them in the dark. “What exactly are you proposing here Eggsy?”

Eggsy pointed up, directly at the overhead air vents, recalling how a technician had dropped out of one to ambush him earlier on, “Don’t know about you guv, but I’m gonna crawl back to the meeting point.” Harry considered it for all of 3 seconds.

“Ok here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to take the most unpredictable route through these corridors and you’re going to crawl back through the air vents. This should guarantee at least one of us making it back.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Eggsy nodded and Harry knelt down to give him a leg up. He quickly swung himself up into the air vent and crouched above the entrance looking down at the older man before shooting him a quick wink and vanishing. Harry sighed and began to study as much of his surroundings as was possible in the dark. It looked like he was going to have to do this the hard way - luckily being Arthur came with some extra knowledge of the building’s layout; and as such he now knew the location of several emergency secret tunnels that wound their way throughout the building. Now he just had to find them - whilst unable to see more than 3 or 4 feet in front of him. Fantastic. He sighed again, just for good measure, before heading off down the darkened corridor.

* * *

The agents had been gathered for a while, and yet there was no sight of Arthur or his young protegee. The original plan was to wait at the meeting place and discuss further tactics that could be employed in order to eliminate whatever remained of the competition. However with each passing minute it seemed less and less likely to happen. Especially as some of the agents (Geraint and Bors) were whining about being bored and wanting to create some kind of pyrotechnical device, and others (Tristan and Bedivere) were glaring at them with an intent that could really only be described as murderous. Surprisingly - none of them were incredibly good at patience or restraint. They could be if the situation really called for it, but mostly the agent's preferred to just get it over with. Something that usually involved large amounts of explosions.

The snickering that had begun about a minute ago was still going on; and some of the more experienced agents were slightly worried that if something didn’t happen soon then there would be some form of explosion.

After confiscating the paint grenade that the slightly more enthusiastic agents had somehow cobbled together out of apparently nothing - “Seriously, I don't know how you managed it” “Are you trying to tell me you’re never Macgyvered anything at all in your entire life?” - they unanimously decided to give up on their leader and concoct their own plan. As unanimously as possible. Bedivere had relented and joined them in their scheming, he just needed a little persuasion and time to grumble about loyalties and the power structure before fully abandoning the original plan. It had been a good 5 minutes since they were supposed to show up and there was really only so long you could expect a group of agents to loiter in a hallway when there were violent acts to be carried out.

They had finally managed to come up with an idea that was actually plausible (“honestly as long as we found a drill or something it would be fine”) and wouldn’t cause any lasting damage (“I’m not saying we should knock down the whole wall - I’m just saying that if we made our own tunnels they’d never see us coming”) when the lights went out.

“...Bollocks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I hope you enjoyed it and constructive criticism is very welcome :))


	7. Meet-up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy finds the agents - almost all of them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it is somehow harder to get this done when you're not procrastinating any work. I've promised myself im gunna inish it though and i will, no matter how long it takes  
> yes this chapter is shorter but at least i wrote it!

It turns out that crawling through the ventilation shafts was even harder than Eggsy had thought it would be. He’d crawled through tight spaces before of course, it was all part of the job, but it seemed as if these particular tunnels had be designed specifically to hinder the progress of anyone attempting to do exactly what he was doing. It was probably the parts where he had to descend that were the most annoying. The insides of the walls were horrible and slimy - which did not help with the amount of grip needed to slowly descend down the vertical sections as opposed to just dropping. It was also difficult to remain constantly aware of his relative location within the house, if he wasn’t careful he could get lost very easily within the maze of air vents. He’d just reached a spot about 2 minutes away from the meeting point when he heard muffled voices in the dark below him.

 

“Yes but Bedivere did say that the lack of lighting meant that we shouldn’t carry out this plan”

"Bedivere didn’t know about this plan, he was talking about the other one”

“That’s just semantics and you know it.”

Eggsy may not have been able to make out the owners of the voices but he knew one of them was definitely Geraint, and it sounded as if the other one was Bors. If that was the case then surely Kay couldn't be too far behind - the two were almost as inseparable as Eggsy and Harry themselves.

“Psst lads, up ‘ere”

  
The following silence was a tense one, filled with mistrust and uncertainty. Eggsy sighed, goddamn spies with their paranoia. He was of course ignoring the fact that he was not only also a spy, but just as bad when it came to being paranoid within certain situations - after all, it’s not paranoia if they are actually out to get you. Which they usually were, spies remember? “Oh for fucks sake. I’m comin’ down yeh. Don’t shoot me”  
Eggsy rummaged around and found a grate, which he quickly opened and dropped through. It was indeed Geraint and Bors. He congratulated himself on his ability to identify his colleagues and then wondered what it was they were holding. Knowing the two of them the way he did it was bound to be some sort of explodey paint thing,designed to cause unprecedented amounts of destruction in a clever yet disastrous way.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Bors demanded - if Eggsy had shown up just a little earlier then really all would’ve been peachy and they could’ve carried out Bedivere’s plan instead of just making it up. Not that he was really complaining - this way involved more explosions.

“Blame Arthur yeh? He got cornered by the remaining Techs up in the lounge room and I had to help him out”

“Yeah yeah whatever,” Geraint chimed in, waving a hand dismissively. “Listen, in a minute the rest of the agents are either gonna appear or they’re gonna be staying at the meeting point. Either way chances are if we don't get on with it then we’re gonna be outed by some technician that we don’t see coming’

“You got a point there mate, by the way I’m like 190% certain that Merlin is now roaming the corridors hell-bent on revenge so we need to doubly get a move on.” This particular statement of Eggsy’s did make them pause before looking around in vague horror. People avoided Merlin when he was on a rampage - they’d all heard the stories. An irate Merlin was nothing to be relaxed about - if he was coming for you then you were doomed; there was only one person worse and that was Arthur himself. Merlin often used this as an additional threat, stating that there was a reason why he’d survived being friends with Harry for so many years and that no one wanted to know what it was. Harry always just sniggered before inevitably trying to drag up some embarrassing anecdote that made Merlin look like he was going to try and strangle him. Something that just made Harry laugh harder - the man was a force of nature.

“If Merlin is as pissed off as you make him sound we better go and warn the others, and quickly”

“Consider them warned”  
The three of them turned to see Tristan emerge from the shadows, followed by the rest of the agents who were still in the game.

“We’re gonna need a game plan here, Harry said he was on his way down but he didn’t want to crawl through the air ducts.”

“Can’t think why,” Bedivere muttered, “Clearly we need to do something drastic”

“We could-”

“No”

“But-”

“Bors we aren’t going to do that”

“You didn't even let me finish!” Bors looked as if he was going to stomp his foot. “Look we need drastic measures and we’ve already got four working bombs so-”

“Wait we’ve got four working bombs? I thought we just had the one”

 

Bors had the decency to look at least slightly sheepish before lifting his shirt to reveal yet another pain bomb strapped around his chest; “It was Geraint’s idea don’t blame me for this”. Kay stared at him before sighing and dropping his head into his hands. He’d love to say he was surprised but this was exactly something that Bors would do. “I hate to ask this, but where are the other two?”  
Geraint slowly lifted his shirt to reveal the third bomb and had started to undo his belt when Tristan quickly cut in and assured him that they got the gist and he didn't need to take his trousers off. Geraint flashed him a smirk before buckling backup and lowering his shirt.

“You never know when drastic measures are going to be needed”.

Eggsy stared at the scene before him with consternation and no small amount of awe; he aspired to one day be as prepared as Geraint was to cause trouble and mayhem with unprecedented amounts of pyrotechnics. Unfortunately Eggsy had noticed something else which gave him pause. Roxy was still missing.

“Guys I hate to interrupt here but have any of you seen Roxy”

“No sorry Galahad - I assume she’s still up on the roof though”

“Right. I suggest that our next course of action is to head towards her then - God knows it’d be useful to have her with us. Shall we split up or cluster?”

 

After a minute or so of quiet squabbling they took a vote and those that wanted to split left and those that wanted to cluster clustered. Compromise. Or mutiny - depended on your point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn, this is a journey and a half. im so stuck but im gunna fight the block with everything i have  
> comments and kudos are appreciated and if you're any constructive criticism polease give it  
> i'll never improve otherwise


	8. The Beginning of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxy knows exactly what she's doing, the technicians navigate a minefield and Merlin has A Plan. The agents?? not so much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit its a new chapter!!  
> I am. so sorry that its so late  
> its been early a year!!!! I really have no excuse but just know that I am determined to finish no matter how long it takes

Roxy was faring remarkably well. Whilst she had remained upon the roof for a good while after the initial signal to gather she had eventually decided to head down and find the remainder of her team. One of the driving forces behind this decision was the need to eliminate the remaining techies who had cottoned onto her location shortly after the explosion and started shooting back. The other influencing factor was that she was fairly certain she’d spotted Geraint laying down mines or something earlier, not that the technicians had approached any of the doors they were either out following the explosion or attempting to get her.  As such, there were two advantages to her decision to move one - one, she would no longer be shot at, and two, once she left the remaining technicians may take themselves out with the mines strewn about on the lawn. Roxy began creeping downwards. It had never been specified within The Plan whether or not she should return to the meeting point and after some consideration she had decided that she had no need to join the group of spies that would inevitably give up their position with an explosion. That there would eventually be an explosion she had no doubt, they did, after all, have Geraint and Bors with them.

At this point, Roxy’s plan was to sneak along the corridors, take out any techs she came across, and generally just avoid everyone else. It was time she relied on the age old strategy, ‘they can't get you if they don't even know you’re there’. This was an approach that made her one of Merlin’s favourite agents; she was much less likely to resort to unnecessary fire, violence, explosions and the general chaos that everyone else was so fond of.

She grinned evilly to herself and melted into the shadows, she was going to win this; even if she won it only for herself.

* * *

 

Meanwhile, the techs outside were nervously edging their way towards the doors. According to the intel Merlin had given them, Geraint had been snooping around the entrances seconds before all hell was unleashed and everyone had points docked. Many had been taken out but there were a several techs who had been on only 1, and a very lucky few who had still been on 0. This was obviously no longer the case but at least 3 of the remaining techs still had 2 lives left; even if the rest would be lucky to even survive the approach.

Merlin may have had a plan for them but it did require entering the building, which was a daunting task in of itself. Still, they were going to try if nothing else. When it came to getting agents to do their fucking paperwork and actually paying attention to their handlers the technicians were willing to do anything, the consequences of losing would be far too dire. Two weeks of being banned from commenting or yelling when agents went ‘off-script’? Please but no thank you.

Clearly the best method of approach would be to send the few with more lives first to check for the unexpected surprises Geraint had undoubtedly left behind for them. The 3 techs with 2 lives had attempted to argue that surely their extra lives should be saved for attempting to take down agents quickly without immediately dying. These arguments were quickly shot down. Which is why Mothman, Bigfoot and Globster where now timidly approaching the doors.

Two of them made it one piece but down a life. Unfortunately for Bigfoot, she’d stepped on not one, but two mines, and was consequently officially out of the game.

Slowly, but surely, the remaining techs followed in their footprints. Attempting to mimic exactly where they trod. Straying from the path would result in ‘death’. Surprisingly only one of them was got. Considering the amount of mines that Geraint had strewn about the floor, the fact that they only lost 2 people was phenomenal. A great feat of planning and luck.

The eight of them gathered their wits, took a deep breath in, and opened the doors.

* * *

 

Merlin was no fool. He knew he would need his technicians for backup, he also knew that the doors back into the building were barricaded. He had, after all, watched the agents barricade them. He had also noticed Geraint leaving out with several suspicious looking devices, and knowing the agent like he did, Merlin was 500% certain that they were explosive. Luckily, many of the corridors were now pitch black, and he knew the inside of this building back to front and inside out, and as such had no problem at all working out a route that would get him down to the doors completely unnoticed. A route that he had actually mapped out 3 days ago, having planned out this last ditch attempt strategy just in case - a final resort he was now very glad for. If he did run into any misplaced agents on his way well, they'd have no idea what hit them. He snickered quietly to himself at the thought of their impending doom.

As he crept soundlessly along the corridors he kept a wary eye out for any movement, something made much easier by the night vision goggles he had. If Merlin had not been paying as much attention as he had, he may not have noticed Bors snooping along the edge of the corridor. As it was, he did notice him, and thanks to the his technically-legal-within-the-game night vision, he also noticed that he already had two different paint splatters covering his outfit, including a painful looking splatter that covered his crotch area. Had Merlin not been completely fed up with the game and determined to win, he may have felt a splinter of sympathy, yet given how many of his technicians had been wiped out already he felt nothing.

It was very tempting to observe him for a while to see if he was up to anything in particular. However, if Merlin knew anything about his knights, and believe him, he knew everything about his knights, then if Bors was snooping around Kay couldn't be too far behind; which meant he had to act fast. Drawing his paint pistol he lined up the shot and pulled the trigger. The noise of shock Bors produced as he was hit was beautiful, the noise he made as he realised he was out was even better.

Seconds after the paintball had made impact Kay appeared in the doorway. Several things happened at once. Bors threw something from under his shirt at Kay, Kay raised his gun with one hand and somehow caught the device and flipped a switch with the other, Merlin lined up and fired a second shot. The room exploded with paint.

“Buggering shit”

“Oh bollocks”

Kay examined the singular paint splot that stood out from the remnant of the paint explosion and sighed, “looks like we’re both out then Oscar, sorry. Nice shot Merlin, you continue to amaze and terrify me”.

Merlin looked down at the paint all over his jumper. He really should have known better, of course Bors was going to have some sort of paint grenade on him. If that man was ever without a grenade of some sort he got kind of twitchy. “Thank you Kay, Bors if you value your safety and peace of mind you will get out. Now. I’m sure you wouldn't want to wind up on the roster for that ‘really fucking dull’ mission in the arctic would you?”

Bors sniggered, “Lighten up mate its just a game”. Luckily for everyone's peace of mind Kay noticed the dangerous glimmer in Merlin's eye and dragged his lover out the room, muttering about large angry animals with claws, the difference between sticks and cattle prods, and why neither should go near an already growling animal.

Merlin knew that the noise of the paint grenade would not have gone unnoticed, and as such swiftly continued on his way to the main doors. He made it there without further incidence, whether that be for better or for worse, and un-barricaded the doors as quickly and quietly as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp. I hope u enjoyed this very late update  
> I have at least started the next chapter and actually have a plan at this point!! so who knows, maybe itll take me less than a year this time :// I also know how many chapters its gunna be now,, yay!  
> again my bad, sorry  
> As always comments and kudos are very greatly appreciated :))


	9. Kamikaze Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theres a confrontation, Harry continues to Not Break the rules and Geraint has a .......solution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit another chapter,, I'm as shocked as u are xD

After entering the building, the technicians were quickly filled in on the rest of the plan - they were to find the rest of the agents whilst Merlin tracked down their great and powerful leader in order to exact revenge. As far as he was concerned this was all his fault in the first place for giving into Eggsy’s scheming. Plan agreed on and extra paint supplies divvied out, they nodded once at each other and then separated from each other. Merlin faded back into the shadows with a swiftness that made some of the technicians briefly wonder if he didn't live there all the time, watching over them. It would certainly explain how he always seemed to know everything about what was going on all the time - sometimes seemingly in advance.

Having been reassured that they outnumbered the remaining agents 2:1, they collectively took a breath to reassure themselves, realised there was no reassurance to be found as even with two techs for every agent, it was very likely they would be wiped out. Between the 8 of them they had only 8 lives, whereas the agents surely had at least that many among the four of them if not more.

They were undoubtedly screwed but willing to try despite this. After all, as long as they took some of them down that was all that mattered. They may not have trusted themselves, but Merlin appeared to do so, and that was enough for them. Together, as one, they hesitantly began to creep further into the mansion.

* * *

Bedivere and Tristan looked at one another in consternation. They were unsurprised that Eggsy, Bors and Geraint had wondered off to do their own thing. They were even less surprised when Kay had thrown them a pained look before trailing after Bors.

They had hoped against hope that they might actually survive a Merlin on the prowl, but given the loud bangs that they were hearing they were equally suspicious that this would be unlikely to be the case. A suspicion that was proven correct when only minutes later they watched both Bors and Kay trail past them towards the Loser Room™. Although trail may have been the wrong work to describe how Kay stormed past them dragging Bors by his collar as he lay on the floor with a shit eating grin on his face. Tristan liked to think that the agent had shame but this had yet to be proven the case.

Seconds after watching the vanquished agents progress pass them, Eggsy bounced up to them.

“What was that? Who got hit? Is anyone out? Who hit them?”

Bedivere smirked down at the boy whilst Tristan gently face palmed in the background, “It was the sound of a lot of paint going everywhere, Kay and Bors got hit, unsurprisingly they are in fact, both out, and I rather suppose it was Merlin who hit them”.

“Right, ok, uh… where's Geraint then??”

“Well seeing as he disappeared off in the same direction as you, we rather thought you would know where he was”

“Oh. Yeh I dun kno about that sorry bruv”

“Don't call me bruv Eggsy”

“Right, sorry Guv”

Before Bedivere could finally snap and attempt to throttle the boy, Tristan decided it was time to cut in. Honestly you would think that agents of a highly secret top-notch spy agency would have more self-preservation and not continuously wind each other up and yet, it did seem to one of the most common pastimes around HQ these days. That's not to say it couldn't be amusing, because in all honesty it was often hilarious and the older agents gave as good as they got. However there was a time and place for bickering and during an all out paint-war with a revenge hungry Merlin on the loose was definitely not one of them.

“I hate to interrupt you boys but that a lie I enjoy it immensely, do you think you could perhaps pipe down a bit? After all, we are trying to avoid a the wrath of a certain tech wizard  and I’m not so sure that you two bickering in the corridor is going to help us remain undetected”

“Of course, you’re completely right. Apologies” Bedivere nodded to Tristan and, after shooting one more glare towards the younger agent, moved away to check the area for any lost technicians.

“Right, yeh, sorry Tris,” Eggsy rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “What I was gunna say is that we should probs try an’ find Geraint. Last I saw ‘im he ‘ad like, 3 bombs on him”

“I thought he had two?” Eggsy shrugged helplessly. There was no point trying to question how the missing agent had managed to acquire even more fire power. He collected explosive devices with such skill and frequency that there was really no point in trying to figure out how.

“Right, ok…. What are the chances that if we just wait here he’ll get bored and come back before he dies?”

“Probably pretty low, let's be honest here,” Bedivere said, appearing out of next to nowhere, “I’ve done a perimeter check and we seem to be good for now - I’d say we have two options here.”

“Stay where we are or head back to the entrance in the hopes Geraint doubles back to cannibalise parts from his mines and make more bombs?”

“Exactly that Tristan”

“A’ight then boys, seein’ as it aint all that wise to stay in the same place for long, i’d say we got ourselves a plan.”

The three agents looked at each other, nodded, and began to make their way back towards the main entrance.

* * *

“Is it just me or is this silence ominous?” a technician known as Kappa whispered into the admittedly oppressive silence. The resulting chorus of hushing noises only confirmed her fears.

Her friend, codenamed Skookum, giggled quietly (not without a tinge of hysteria) and whispered back “I think at this point it would probably be traditional to say that it’s not just quiet, its-”

“-too quiet,” Kappa echoed with a grin that could only be described as manic. She was about to add something more when she was cut off by more shushing, but this time it was a lot more panicked than before.

In the stilled silence that followed, approaching footsteps and a murmur of voices could definitely be heard.

“Nah mate I see what you’re sayin but you’ve gotta consider this: it’d be awesome”

“Shit,” Mothman hissed, “that's definitely Eggsy.” There was a lot of nervous shifting amongst the technicians. “Maybe we should just cut our losses and run” 

“Are you kidding me?,” Globster hissed back, “Merlin would kill us, lets at least face our deaths bravely”

Kappa sniggered, she was discovering hysteria was her main response to shit-inducing fear. “No retreats, we die like morons” “You’re so not helping” one of the techs, Selma, piped up.

“For the love of God Eggsy, we’ve been over this - do not base your actions on aesthetic; especially during missions. It's like dealing with children”

“Shiiiiiittt, that's definitely Bedivere,” the tension within the tech cluster was rocketing, “right ok, quickly - Globster, Hodag, Trunko - come with me, we’re going to focus on the right. Yeren, Kappa and Skookum focus on left. Selma,, retreat slightly - you’re going to be our last line of defense - if they get any of us come forwards and take them out. Got it?” Mothman made sure to make eye-contact with each tech as he addressed them.  The murmured affirmations were all he needed. “Ok team let's go”

* * *

“-It’s like dealing with children.”

“I’ll have you know I take offense at that”

“Good” Bedivere suddenly came to a halt and held up an arm, peering suspiciously into the darkness.

“What is it?” Tristan and Eggsy immediately tensed up, each scanning the surrounding area for threats.

“I could’ve sworn i heard-” cautiously, he stepped forwards. Then he stepped again. Nothing happened. Slowly he began to relax, turning back to face the others. He opened his mouth to say something else but was cut off by a soft popping sound, a faint whistling, and the sudden appearance of yellow on his jacket. He looked down. “...shit”

“DUCK FOR COVER” Eggsy screamed before laughing maniacally and firing into the dark ahead.

“Don't waste your paint you stupid boy” Tristan grinned through the fire. You could say what you liked about the agents (and many did and suffered for it) but anyone who was at their happiest on an adrenaline high surrounded by gunfire had to at least slightly mad; and madness was something they collectively had in spades.

“I’m down to 2 lives” Bedivere said, seemingly in shock”

“Yeh and I’m on 1, wanna make it easier for ‘em to know who to shoot at?”

“Shut up and keep firing”

“Fuck it mate, I’m advancing” Eggsy grinned before starting to do exactly that.

"For Fucks Sake”

“It’s like he's got a death wish”

“Well it's not uncommon in this line of work,” Tristan smirked at Bedivere, “Once more unto the breach my friend.”

Bedivere sighed deeply before shrugging and offering Tristan a small smile, “so be it - onwards!”

The cackling laughter as the three agents began to slowly move towards the technicians was unnerving - especially for those they were headed towards.

* * *

Unbeknownst to both agents and technicians, Geraint was not as removed from the action as he was believed to be. He was, in fact, quite close to it. The issue was he had a multitude of explosive paint devices on him at this point and he really wanted to go out with a bang. Literally.

From his vantage point - hidden in an alcove between the two parties, able to see both of them as well as the additional corridor - he knew exactly how well each team was faring. The technicians had already lost two players and both Tristan and Bedivere had lost a life - leaving everyone on the playing field with a single life. Eggsy seemed to have avoided the spray by flipping and leaping as erratically as he could - a combination of skill and luck. Probably mainly luck. However it was clear to Geraint that this could not last for long.

A plan began to form - and was immediately cemented by the appearance of a third party. He watched with gleeful eye as Merlin appeared and began to head towards the fight.

* * *

Merlin had been planning on tracking down Harry, but the bastard appeared to have vanished into thin air. However Merlin knew his friend and knew him well, and as such immediately began to double back on himself. As much as Harry tended to go solo and was actively banned from working with some people, he did care about his fellow agents - something that had only increased with his promotion to Arthur. Merlin reasoned that if he could find the remaining agents, he could find Harry.

The sudden eruption of noise from down the end of the corridor made Merlin smile grimly. This was it then, the final confrontation. Quickening his pace, Merlin began to stride towards the conflict, no doubt in his mind that he would encounter most of the remaining players. If he managed to save his last remaining techs from certain death then that was just an additional bonus.

Little did he know what lay in store.

* * *

Harry strode confidently into the conference room and grinned, “Hello losers, what's happening?”

Percival and Amelia looked at him. Then at each other. Then back to him. It was Percival who spoke first, “Arthur. I’m fairly certain that you are not out of the game”

“Correct Percy, I am as usual, still up and kicking”

Percival stifled a snort, “Right, and I suppose you have a good reason for being in this room from which all paintballing is banned”

Harry grinned back at him, “but my dear Percy, I am not currently paintballing.”

Amelia opened her mouth to interject as to the technicalities of Harry's rule breaking but before she could utter a single word Harry turned to her with a glint of mischief in his eye, “and of course, if I were to be disqualified because my presence within this room counts as cheating, then surely Merlin will also have to be disqualified.”

To her credit, Amelia simply huffed slightly before conceding the point with a tilt of the head and a roll of her eyes, “I suppose you’re right Arthur. So then, What can we do for you?”

“Oh nothing, nothing. I simply wanted a good view of the action - I suppose that's why you’re both in here with the rest of the, uh, defeated”

“Well, you’ve said it best yourself sir,” Percival chimed in, “If we are to be good judges we clearly need a good view of the action, and where else would we go? After all, until recently, Merlin's office appeared to be occupied.”

“Quite right Percy, quite right.”

It was at this point that the action on the screens unfolded and everyone watched in awe as chaos reigned in the corridors of Kingsman HQ. The appearance of Merlin's approach only added to the carnage that was playing out.

“I do believe that’s my cue.” Harry said with a wink and slipped out of the room.

Amelia turned to Percival who stood enraptured, “You know, you can say what you want about Eggsy but things certainly have become more exciting since he started working here.” Percival merely hummed in agreement, deciding not to mention the great prank war of ‘07 that had resulted in Chester Kings base-wide ban on all things fun. Amelia would surely find out eventually.

* * *

Merlin's arrival at the scene did not go unnoticed. However, by the time he had arrived the vaguely structured approach of agents towards technicians had dissolved completely.

Bedivere, who was not known for being a particularly good loser, was silently fuming over his sudden depletion in lives and was firing off single shots with a look of pure murder on his face. He appeared so fearsome that the 6 remaining technicians were avoiding shooting at him in case he held it against them. Which he would’ve. He swiftly took out two more agents and nodded in satisfaction.

It was hard to judge how Eggsy felt about this as he was cartwheeling about at such high speeds it was impossible to make out his facial expression. Then again, the whoops and taunts he was producing indicated he was having a fantastic time of it.

Tristan was stood to the side grinning maniacally. He was clearly enjoying the chaos much more than he should be. With that thought in mind Merlin raised his gun and fired.

“Buggering shit!” To say that Tristan hadnt expected a sudden side attack would be understating it. So the fact that he was very suddenly removed from the game rankled him enormously. “Eggsy! Bedivere!! To your right!”

“M a bit busy bruv!”

“It's fucking Merlin you dunce!”

Bedivere span and glared at Merlin so menacingly the tech-wizard nearly took a step back. However, nearly is not the same as actually doing, as so therefore Merlin can claim he did not back away and stood his ground - glaring back just as intimidatingly.

“Hello Merlin.”

Merlin nodded back, “Bedivere”

“You a’ight there guv” Eggsy yelled distantly as he flipped off a wall. It appeared as if the sudden presence of their overlord had imbued the technicians with confidence. At this point even Selma had crept back forwards to try and rally the fighters further. Eggsy cringed as two shots came dangerously close to hitting him and squeezed off several more in retaliation. Surely this couldn't last much longer.

Bedivere gestured between Merlin and the ongoing battle, “After you”

Merlin just looked at him unimpressed, “or i could just shoot you here,” he suggested, wondering why he hadn't.

Bedivere returned the look. Truly of all the agents it was he who came the closest to mastering Merlin's Glare Of Doom™ and everyone knew it. “Go on then you bastard, I dare you.”

Fortunately for Merlin, before he could follow through and take out Bedivere - an action that would surely place him in the agent's bad books for months - something exploded.

That something, was Geraint.

* * *

Geraint crouched in his corner watching, waiting. He needed to time his entrance perfectly if he wanted to do this right. He had to wait for them to gather but he couldn't leave it too late. He didn't want it to be anticlimactic. He wanted to take a bulk of people out with him and he couldn't do that if he left them all to take each other out before he had a chance to fuck it all up. He grinned to himself, this was going to be epic.

He watched as Merlin drew closer and took out Tristan, he noted how Eggsy was slowly drawing the techs nearer and nearer to where Bedivere stood in a standoff with Merlin. He judged the distance between the groups and made some quick calculations regarding the diameter of his paint explosion. He witnessed the exchange between Merlin and Bedivere and saw his opportunity. This was it. The moment. The one he had been waiting for.

Geraint got to his feet, stepped forwards into the action, and deployed his paint bombs. All 3 of them. Simultaneously. The unfolding chaos and explosion of paint was truly beautiful. And it would undoubtedly take years for the hallway to recover from it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just one left now,, I hope ur enjoying it and I aim to have the last chapter up by the end of summer, knowing me tho.....  
> whoops  
> please tell me what u think!!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. So far anyway...  
> More to come at some point - constructive critisism is always welcome
> 
> Find me on tumblr: malevolentstorm.tumblr.com


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